Ultimate Evil: I love you, you love .....EEE!!: Part 1
 by Lio and Capri

         
	   Carmen Sandiego was sitting in her study after breakfast when she got the call. 
She wasn't expecting a call so she was confused as she picked up the reciever. 

           "Hello?" 

           "Carmen?" a frightened, frantic voice asked. 

           "Ivy? Is that you? Why are you whispering? What's wrong?" 

           "Well, I'm hiding in the bottom of a pay phone booth, for starters. I think I got
rid of him for now, but he'll be back, I know it!!! I'm seeing purple spots already!!! YOU
HAVE TO HELP ME BEFORE I GO CRAZY!!!!!' 

           Carmen held the phone away from her ear to cut down on Ivy's quickly raising voice. 
"Ivy, get a hold of yourself! Sarah could make more sense than you are right now! Now stay 
calm and tell me what's happening."

           "They've got Zack!!!!! It's awful!! I'm...I'm outside the PBS building, in 
New York, about a block away!! You'll know what has happened when you get here!!"

           "Ivy you're making no sense!"

           "You owe me one for Martha!! Oh no, they're here!! THEY'RE GOING TO GET ME!!!
NOOOOOOOO!!!"

           The connection abruptly broke off. 

           Carmen stared at the dead reciever. Ivy was usually so calm, so unmoved. Martha 
Stewart hadn't even fazed her. What could be worse than a psycho Martha Stewart? 

         
           Carmen studied the empty phone booth. There had been signs of a struggle. 
The metal had been torn up by what looked like a huge pitbull and the phone receiver 
had been ripped from the box. Carmen got even more worried. Ivy was a black belt in 
numerous Martial Arts. She could toss several henchmen at a time. What on earth could 
carry her away? 
          
           "You'll never get away with this, you fiends!!" Ivy screamed incessantly. 

           Zack and Ivy were both conviently tied to chairs, the friendly plastic kind
with goofy cartoon stickers on them. Zack was totally dazed, eyes glazed over, mind 
overloaded by a tape which constantly repeated the same strangely familiar chant over 
and over. Suddenly the door in front of them opened, shedding light on the two strained 
and nervous faces. Ivy screamed in defiance, 

           "You'll never take me alive!!!!!!!! I'll never submit to your evil tortuous 
ways!! I've gone through Martha Stewart, and I can get past you!!!' 

           The sillouette in the doorway chuckled, a really annoying, air-headed chuckle 
that grated on Ivy's nerves. 

           

           "Welcome to PBS! Would you like our self-guided tour?"

           "Um, no thank you, I was just wondering if someone I know was in the building? 
Her name is Ivy."

           "Ivy? No, none of our guest stars are named Ivy? Are you sure they aren't 
under someone else's name?"

           "Please, it's very urgent."

           The air-headed clerk paused a moment, tapping away on her computer with 
very fake nails. 

           "Well, I do see a few Ivys here. What show was she scheduled to be on?" she 
asked sweetly. 

           "I have good reason she was taken here by force." 

           "Oh, deary me!: the clerk laughed, "We don't do anything like that here, you 
might want to check with CBS or the others stations."

           Carmen had the sudden urge to rip off the cheerful receptionists fake nails and 
shove them down her cheerful throat. 

           Suddenly she heard a huge crash. 

           "What was that?" Carmen asked. 

           The recepionist smiled fakely. 

           "Oh, that's nothing, just the crew setting up the props for the Barney show," 
she grinned. 

           There was another crash, this time, closer, and an ear-piercing scream to accompany it. 

           "Must be one heck of a setup," commented Carmen sardonicaly, but she was starting 
to get suspicious. That scream sounded really familiar... 

           "Um..excuse me, miss, could I show you to the refreshments lounge? Or perhaps the gift 
shop? There's a 50% sale," the cheery recepionist said, a nervous expression crossing her face. 

           "I'll try the gift shop," she told her. It was probably for the best. She could look 
for clues. The gift shop was the gaudiest place Carmen had ever seen. Blindingly bright posters of 
every show lined the walls, the foremost being Sesame Street and Arthur. Carmen shielded her eyes, 
and carefully threaded her way through cute plastic figures and......woah!! Carmen slid suddenly 
across the floor on some errrant bouncy balls, then almost crashed straight into some 'Where in 
the World' merchandise, narrowly avoiding it and making a crash landing in a pile of plush purple.
 
           She looked up at her previous incarnation. 

           "Personality aside, I really should have just stayed at PBS." Carmen commented under 
her breath. 

           She looked at where she had landed and blinked in surprise. Purple? What made that 
color stand out in her head? She picked up one of the plush toys and examined it. It was a tiny 
Barney squeeze toy that made a pitiful sound when you pressed its tummy. 

           "Squeee!" the toy exclaimed. 

           Carmen dropped it like a bad habit. Suddenly, Ivy's dire warning came through to her. 
She could have hit herself for not figuring it out sooner. The 'purple monster' Ivy had been 
ranting about could have been no other than..... Barney!!! But how to get past the cheery 
receptionist? Carmen pondered a moment about k.o. ing her, but pushed the thought aside. She was 
going to need her coat and grappling hook to accomplish this one. 

          
           Carmen hung from the rafters of the totally dark sound stage. She could hear the 
pre- junior high audience gathering below. She wondered how she could search for Ivy when it 
was pitch black.  She grimminced when she realized how she was going to disguise herself to 
get in. 
        

           Moments later, a middle aged, frazzled looking woman cleared the security gates into 
the sound stage. If you were looking close enough, you might have seen her moving with a grace 
that no middle-aged mother has the energy to move with. Carmen hated herself for lowering herself 
to this level, but if she was to find Ivy, it was nessesary. She pulled aside one of the crew 
members with considerable force. 

           "Excuse me, I was wondering , have you seen my little daughter? Her name is Raven, 
and she's just turned six. I can't find her anywhere, please, you have to help me!" Carmen 
pleaded with the man. 

           "I'm sorry, maam, I've seen a hundred kids today, and none of them seem to have lost 
a parent," he said. 

           Carmen turned away, and began to search the crowd. She wondered if she could have 
chosen a more reasonable name for her 'kid'. But that probably wouldn't have helped her anyway. 
She frowned. In the midst of the crowd of kids stood a group of very short, very suspicious 
looking Boy Scouts. Several of them were wearing fake mustashes and glasses, and they looking 
around shiftily. 

           "Rookies," Carmen mumbled, and watched as the 'Boy Scouts' shuffled collectively off 
to the side of the stage, trying to be inconspicous. 

           On a hunch, Carmen followed them, slipping into the shadows, once more a detective. 
She heard them saying something about a girl and her dense-witted brother, and then emerged 
from the shadows to confront them with the 'problem' of her 'missing' daughter. 

           "Excuse me, have you seen my daughter Raven? She's only six, and must be terribly 
lost without me," Carmen wheedled. 

           The collective 'Boy Scouts' looked at each other nervously, and then quickly sidled 
off without answering her. 

           "Hey, stop!!" Carmen yelled, then charged after them. 

           She chased them throughout the stage area, causing some mothers to look at her with 
intense concern for their kids. 

           Suddenly the curtains arose, and a troup of dancing Barneys emerged. They all had 
higher voices than the genuine article and stiffly proclaimed that Barney was coming soon! 

           "Eat your veggies/ 
           clean your room and/ 
           listen to your mom/ 
           if you do/ 
           it will be for you/ 
           when Barney sings his song!"

           They proclaimed to the tune of 'Are You Sleeping?' 

           The dancers emitted a metalic noise whenever they striked a new pose. 

           Something was definitly wrong. 
           

           "Hi didilly ho kids!"
 
           Proclaimed Barney as he jumped out onto the stage. The kids went wild. 

           "Today I have a special guest for you to see! She's a detecive from the ACME 
agency in San Francisco! She came a very long way to be with us today, so please give a big 
round of applause for Detecive IVY!" the curtain opened on a pale and obviously frightend Ivy 
and a very dazed Zack. 

           "Hi dee ho Ivy! Would you like to say something to the kids out there?"

           "May I please have the mike? Thank you," Ivy began calmly, then she added, "GET OUT, 
ALL OF YOU!! YOU'RE IN MORTAL DANGER!!! THE PURPLE ONE WILL GET YOU ALL, AND
THEN IT WILL BE TOO LATE!!! GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!" she screamed, loud
enough to be heard a block away, then desperately tried to saw through her bonds with her teeth. 

           The miniture Barneys came in, armed with nets and duct tape, and proceeded to pull Ivy 
off stage, still struggling, mouth taped shut. Barney looked significantly shaken. 

           "Oh well. It looks like Our Friend Ivy is a little sick today. Mr. Doctor is sure to 
take care of her!" Barney cheerfully exclaimed. 

           Carmen wasn't so sure of that. She hurried offstage. 

    

           To be continued....